I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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