I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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