if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
