My first STD was from a foam party
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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