Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
