my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
