"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
