Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
