New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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