you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
