...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
