Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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