I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
