dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thus making me awesome and them whores
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
