Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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