Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
