jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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