I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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