I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
