You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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