You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
