I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
