The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize