I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
