You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
