I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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