I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize