i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
