You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
