She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize