she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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