That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize