GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
