i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
