So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
