why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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