dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
