using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
