problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
