goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry about my life...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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