dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize