If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
