This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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