You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
