Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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