Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
