just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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