The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
