Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize