Dual....:-)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
