I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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