I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
