In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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