some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
