ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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