I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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