The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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