bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
