Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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