last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i came on her dog
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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