I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
