Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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