So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
