I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
