Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is my life. Enjoy the view
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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