Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
